Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Things That Annoy Me #4 - Starbucks Sizes

The other day I walked into a Starbucks and asked for a small, black coffee.

There were a number of things wrong with my statement. First of all, the sassy punk with more piercings than fingers that was behind the counter could barely retain a gasp within his disturbingly porous mouth. I could see the thought passing through his head and the heads of the rest of the skinny hipster cigarette-smoking patrons- "What? black coffee?" Going into Starbucks and not contaminating your five dollar cup of crappy coffee with foam, sprinkles, whipped cream, vanilla, mocha stuff, frappaccino crappacino liquid, lip piercing lubricant, and artificial cigarette flavor? Unheard of! Blasphemy!

When the attendant regained his composure and reprocessed my request - a small, black coffee - we came to issue number two. And the rest of the nicotine addicts in the room knew exactly what was coming next- "Do you mean a tall?" he (she?) manages to squeak out of one of the holes in his mouth.

A tall? What? "No." I say. "I want a small cup."

The scrawny cash register operator, hoping that I don't exhale too forcefully and blow him away, now looks a bit agitated. "One tall coffee" he says under his breath as he rings up my order.

I am aware that Starbucks uses dumb names for their sizes in order to attract self-acclaimed "intellectuals" who think that they are worldly for sipping out of a "Venti" instead of a "Large." But c'mon. Can't a guy who is confident enough in his own intelligence to not need some french word for his coffee not get away with using normal English?

Starbucks, you annoy me.

The Gap Year Guy

1 comment:

  1. They also use the fancy names so you don't realize you're paying $4 for what used to be, not too terribly long ago, 50 cents. I have been fighting this battle myself for years and just recently surrendered. "Venti" I say now, with shame.